Being a pastor's wife is a unique calling and privilege. They have a front-row seat to witness how God works in the church and people’s lives. However, with this calling and privilege come specific challenges, such as loneliness. This may seem surprising to many outside of this role since pastors’ wives are often surrounded by people who want to spend time with them. However, the reality of the role is that it can make it difficult to build deep connections and trust with others, often leaving pastors’ wives feeling lonely and isolated.
Ministry families regularly face expectations that are both spoken and unspoken. At times, church members may hold unrealistic ideals or expectations about you, how you interact with them, how involved you are at church, and how you parent your children. We might even deal with the expectations we strive to achieve at other times. All of these expectations can feel overwhelming and make building relationships difficult. You may feel that you don’t want to let people down, so you don’t feel safe sharing personal struggles that may disappoint them.
How can pastors’ wives navigate these challenges and find deeper relationships? While forming relationships in the church can be challenging, it’s essential not to be closed off to them. We must recognize that it takes time to cultivate deep friendships. We can start by developing a small circle of trust amongst a few people to build core friendships. It’s okay to start small and let people in gradually over time as trust is built.
As you seek to build relationships, finding a trusted voice outside of the church with whom you can be open and honest can be helpful. This could be another pastor’s wife, a mentor, or a counselor. These people outside the church provide a safe space to discuss things you may not feel comfortable discussing with people in the church.
Vulnerability can feel intimidating at first and requires faith, but the Lord can bless your efforts to connect deeply with others and use them to form deep, life-giving friendships.